Episode #105 Teaching Your Dog to Play Nicely With Others

This week's topic came from a listener who sent in a question about getting her dog to play more nicely with other dogs. Today we talk about what appropriate play looks like and how to help dogs take turns in play. 

Transcript

Just Be Nice - Teaching Your Dog to Play Nicely With Others

Hello! How are you today? Are you having a good day? I know the human experience is to have both good and bad days, but today, I hope it is a good one. I was thinking about this a lot last week and wondering why so many people today struggle with anxiety, worry, stress, etc. Think about our society today and how quickly we are able to get rid of discomfort. 

Think about it. If I’m in my car and it’s too warm, there’s a button to fix that right away. If I’m too cold, there’s a button for that too. If I’m on the road and hungry I can grab something from the nearest drive-thru and be eating in no time. We have done such a good job of cutting out the hardships to the point that we can satisfy our discomfort almost immediately, I believe it makes it harder for us to handle the hard emotions -the ones that cause discomfort and stick around for awhile. We just want to get back to feeling good right away! 

I wonder if this is the same or similar for our dogs? It definitely relates to training…many want a quick fix right? We want things to change right away for the better. Some things take time. Dog training takes time. Our dogs are NOT robots. They are living breathing creatures and need love and patience when it comes to learning. We do too, so be kind to yourself this week and be kind to your dog too. :) We are doing the best we know how. 

I want to give a shoutout to Amanda for today’s topic. She sent in a question about getting her dog to play more nicely with other dogs and I thought it would make a great podcast topic for this week. This is one of those things that won’t likely be a quick fix. This is something we can help our dogs achieve over time. So break out the patience card, we all need a few more of those. 

Before we dive too deeply into the topic, are you sure your dog isn’t playing nicely? Recognize it is normal happy play for dogs to bite, jump on or growl at other dogs. They use their paws, bodies, and mouths to interact with one another. Focus on the balance between the two dogs. Do they both seem happy? Is one more happy than the other? When that balance shifts to one side, conflict is more likely. Also check out overall body language as one complete picture - not just one part - are the dogs relaxed or stiff? Are the movements loose and bouncy or no? If you put both dogs on a leash, then release the dog you think is NOT having a good time, do they go back for more play or does that dog check out with a big Phew! Thank you! I needed a break? 

If you do decide your dog needs help playing more nicely and in a more balanced way with other dogs then what? 

Start young, if possible. Set up playdates for your puppy with another puppy (notice the one-on-one rather than a large group) that is about the same age, size and energy match. These do not have to be exact, but good to keep in mind. Puppies teach each other what is too rough, what is okay and what hurts. They yelp if the teeth clamp too hard. They retreat if it gets to be too much. They learn a lot from each other. 

You are also there to monitor and watch for turn taking. We want play to flip flop back and forth between the two puppies. I recommend interrupting play every few minutes for a training session. This helps the puppies regulate their play and keeps them from getting overly stimulated to the point they struggle focusing and play often becomes too rough. Keep play sessions short. Mix in training. 

Training can be simple. Lure each puppy away from one another - it helps to have two people for this. Each handler asks for simple behaviors such as sit, watch me, touch, down or stay. After 1-2 minutes, say, “OK” and let the puppies go back to play. Watch them and observe their body language, make sure it is loose and noodly! Watch for that flip flop, taking turns chasing, taking turns being on the ground, etc. Interrupt again for a mini training session, then go back to play. 

This back and forth helps keep the play fun for both dogs. Your dog gets practice focusing on you instead of the other dog and they get to go back to the fun making the training sessions worth it to them. 

Even if your dog is older, not a puppy, you can use the same technique to help them learn to play more nicely. Teach your older dog basic cues like sit, down, stay, come and touch. Practice using these during play sessions and getting solid responses from your dog. You can use these to take breaks during play. Take a break BEFORE your dog needs one. We talk about the puppy zones in our program. Stop play BEFORE your dog gets to zone 4 where it is hard to think. This is the zone where they are overstimulated or tired and thinking about what they should do or what is appropriate is hard for them. They simply react. Don’t wait until your dog is there. Instead, interrupt more often, make it fun and worth it to them, then let them return to play. If you decide returning to play is not the best idea because they are having a hard time playing in an appropriate way, you can play with them as you exit. They may just need a nap or some downtime. 

If your dog struggles with being overstimulated around other dogs, avoid dog parks or other group settings. Set up one-on-one sessions like you would with a new puppy to help your dog learn to play with one dog. That is less overwhelming to them and to you! We can progress from there. 

As with most things when it comes to dog training, this takes time so be patient. Have you heard me say that before? Dog training is wonderful for expanding one’s patience levels. This is no exception. Set your dog up for success. Find a good playmate with similar size, age and energy levels as your dog. Start with a one-on-one setting rather than a group and interrupt play for small training sessions where your dog learns to settle themselves. Then go back to play if appropriate. 

We are happy to help! As members of our online puppy school, we meet clients online via video and coach them through a play session, helping them identify the good and not so good body language, when to interrupt and when to go back to play. We are happy to help you too! 

Hope you have a fabulous week. If this happens to be a frustrating week for you, I wish you all the best in sitting in it, feeling it, and processing it as patiently as possible. Sometimes, it just takes time. Keep practicing. Focus on one thing to improve on rather than a list. Take a deep breath and enjoy those dog kisses! Talk to you soon.